Love and Trust Yourself

Being recently divorced, it’s a struggle to write an article for the wedding issue. I feel like I don’t know much about the topic of marriage, but I do know a lot about being in an unhealthy and toxic relationship. It is dangerous, and breaks you down to the worst version of yourself.

My problem started with the engagement. I said “yes” because I didn’t know how to say no. I knew in my gut I wasn’t ready for marriage. I also knew my now-ex-husband was not the right person for me. Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. So, I chalked it up to nervous jitters and said “ok” to everything everyone else wanted and expected.  I thought I could make it work, and if not, there’s always a way to undo it.

I also never even wanted a wedding ceremony. I knew it would stress me out and cost more than I could afford. I did not want to deal with the stress of my own divorced parent’s issues on the day of the wedding, but I agreed to a ceremony because my fiancé and my mother both thought I should have one. I didn’t trust my own gut and I didn’t do what I wanted. I was stressed out, spent more money than I had, and wasn’t happy about any of it.

Because I didn’t listen to my own truth, my own gut, I was resentful. I lost myself and felt trapped, alone and scared. When there are lies upon lies, there cannot be trust. And without trust, there cannot be love.

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The life lesson in all of it is, “TRUST YOUR GUT.” Learn to really love yourself BY yourself.

The idea of a lover, a companion, a partner for life is wonderful.  However, forcing something you know isn’t right can not work – and it’s not worth it. I overlooked red flags. I believed the lies because I wanted it to be right.  I accommodated beyond my comfort level. I was afraid to take a stand on what was unacceptable.

I wish I had the guts and sense of self-worth to do what I knew in my heart was right for me years ago.

The wedding itself can be a fun celebration, but none of it is worth it if you don’t know, love and honor yourself first.  When you do, you don’t accept unacceptable treatment. And you know the cause of unacceptable treatment isn’t YOU – it’s them.

The flowers, the dress, the rings, the decorations, the band or DJ will all work to create the fantasy of “happily ever after.” But if you are not happy and do not truly love yourself now (without depending on validation from someone else) you won’t be happy “ever after” either.

by Heather Quintana, Certified Health Coach

Fashion Fun– Jelly Sandals

Some of my favorite childhood memories were made wearing jelly sandals. I used to get a new pair in my Easter basket every year. Always pink, always sparkly, they were my most coveted accessory.

It always fascinated me that I never got blisters from these plastic sandals, but I didn’t dwell on it much, I was too busy being my awesome ten-year-old self. Recently, I have noticed the sandals making a come back. When I saw them back in stock at the Gap near me, I let out an audible gasp. I didn’t have to get very close to smell the recognizable rubbery scent and be immediately sent down memory lane. Since first seeing a near carbon copy of my original jelly sandals at Gap last summer, the trend has continued to ramp up, becoming both more popular and more fashion forward.

Now they are carried in nearly every store at the mall, and major fashion houses like Dianne Von Furstenberg, Givenchy, and Chanel have even adopted the style. Because of their unique material and typically bright color, jelly sandals can seem intimidating to style. They are certainly a statement piece, but they actually play surprisingly well with most summer staples.

They are adorable with a pair of boyfriend style jeans and a graphic t-shirt. They can also add a whimsical feel to a simple summer dress. My favorite way to wear them is with an all white outfit; white pants, a white v-neck t-shirt, and a light neutral bag. 

This trend is for all ages—so buy a pair for you and your daughter! Share photos of your favorite jelly sandals on our Facebook page. We can’t wait to see them!

 

Written by Eleanor Haeg

Do You Take This Dress?

I got married 27 years ago, but weddings still enchant me. Preferring to get my fix unfiltered, I skip most reality TV bridal shows, but occasionally catch Say Yes to the Dress. I lived in New York as a single girl, and the story of Kleinfeld, the store at which the television show is set, was legendary, but for different reasons than it is today. Founded in 1941, the original shop was located in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. As I heard it, the building was only open to the public on weekends, when the elevator was not in service. The bride, her bridal party, her mother and sometimes grandmother would have to trudge up numerous flights of stairs in search of the perfect dress.

In 2005, Kleinfeld moved to more sumptuous quarters in Manhattan.They hired my old boss, Frank Jedda, to run their new men’s division. Many years ago, Frank and his wife, Stella, owned an elegant and expensive men’s shop called FrankStella. I began working there while studying English at Hunter College. Frank was warm, funny and generous. As a full time student who only worked Fridays and Saturdays, he knew I sometimes fell short of cash by the end of the week.“Ethbay,” (he always called us by nicknames) Frank would quietly ask, “Do you need some money for lunch?”

Stella worked with me every Saturday. She was the older sister I should have had. She was there the day I met my husband–who, I later discovered, walked into the store after seeing me through the shop’s window.

“I want to buy this tie but it has a snag in it,” he told me. Arthur left the store several hundred dollars poorer, carrying a bag of expensive shirts, ties and my phone number. As we watched him cross 56th Street and fold into the crowd, Stella said, “That’s the one you are going to marry.”

“Don’t be silly,” I said. “You know I am not getting married.” She was right of course. A year and a half later, we tied the knot.

bethherman4At 24, I had no idea who I was. But like any good graduate of the Fashion Institute of Technology, I had a vague sense of what I wanted to look like as a bride.White was good. Anything traditional or bride-like was not. I tried on silk pants with camisoles, beaded evening wear, and classic white suits. I finally decided on a tea length dress from the department store Bonwit Teller. It had a tight bodice, illusion lace sleeves, and a polka dot tiered lace skirt. A pill box hat with a bow and netted veil completed the ensemble.

New York has changed a lot since the lovely August day when Arthur and I were wed. Bonwit Teller closed in 1990. Frank and Stella split, and the store sold. Garvin’s, the Greenwich Village restaurant where we took our vows and celebrated the future, shuttered its doors. But I still have my dress. Festive and chic, it was the perfect outfit in which to start our wonderful marriage.

Beth Herman is an artist, painter and essayist based in Charlottesville. She enjoys running with her husband every morning, home renovations, and oil painting. Visit her website www.bearpainter.com to view her artwork. You can also find stories from Beth in each issue of Bella Magazine. Go pick up your copy today!

Extraordinary Women

We all know at least one extraordinary woman who deserves recognition. We are currently working on something BIG to help you recognize the women in our area who are making a difference in the lives of others. Please send your nomination, their photo and 100 words describing them to bella@beckmediagroup.com. Include your name and phone number in the email so we can reach you with questions. They could be included in an upcoming issue of Bella Magazine!

 

Father’s Day Gift Guide

Ladies, Father’s Day is right around the corner! A lot of dads are hard to shop for– but we have some great suggestions for those of you who still need to find the perfect gift. No matter what you choose, don’t forget that quality time is the most important gift you can give to the dad that you love.

Dad can always use a comfortable recliner. Quality brands, like La-Z-Boy, can be purchased at Grand Home Furnishings in Roanoke across from Tanglewood Mall. They are having a sale this weekend, ending Monday, in which you can get up to 51% off of ALL La-Z-Boy furniture. Selecting the right color, style and size is important because this could be a staple in your home for years. Visit their website for more information on the styles they offer and to find out if a location near you carries the one you love most!

We just received samples of this cologne, and you are going to love it! A new line of British Sterling fragrances was released in April called H.I.M. It is short for “His Imperial Majesty” and a nod to King George VI. Eventually, the brand plans to release a full line of luxury grooming products in addition to the fragrances that will combine quality, innovation and style. For now, the two fragrances, “Reserve” and “Private Stock,” are available for purchase at many stores in our area. Check out their Facebook page for more information.

father_and_kidsMany of us have been there– your husband or your dad are complaining half way through a shopping trip that their shoes are uncomfortable. Or, his flip flop breaks midway through a family outing. Find out his shoe size, and take a quick trip to Bush Flora in Towers Mall. They offer a wide selection of comfortable and stylish shoes for men. With summer vacations and many backyard barbecues on the horizon, we all know how important it is that your favorite fellas are wearing the right shoes.

Happy Father’s Day to the dads in our lives and yours! We hope you have a fantastic weekend!

Grand Opening: Potentially Chic

Potentially Chic has always been a fantastic place to visit. Whether you are redecorating your home, looking for a new centerpiece, searching for the perfect gift for a friend or just browsing local shops, they always have unique items at prices that will fit your budget.

They have recently moved from their location on Grandin to 3215 Brambleton Avenue. The new store is 2600 square feet and has given them the opportunity to offer a much wider selection of merchandise than they were able to at their previous location.

10411229_324081124406774_5286709028749392521_nThey have been open for business for a few days now, but their official grand opening is right around the corner! You don’t want to miss their beautiful new store– decorated and ready for both old and new customers.

Join Potentially Chic on Saturday, June 14, for their Grand Opening and One Year Anniversary Celebration. There will be a ribbon cutting at 10:30 am, cupcakes, drawings and a few surprises! Make it a girl’s day out and bring your mom, sister and friends!

We will see you there!

Get to Know Your Neighborhood

The Old Southwest Enchanted Garden Tour

Summer is right around the corner, and that means a lot of plants in our area are in full bloom. For garden lovers, it is the perfect time to get outside, explore different garden techniques, and maybe learn something new from your neighbors. On Saturday, June 14, several gardeners in Roanoke will be available to share their knowledge and expertise during The Old Southwest Enchanted Garden Tour.

New Image123Participating property owners were chosen because of the unique and eclectic aspects of their outdoor sanctuaries. One of the first community gardens in Roanoke will be part of this tour, and the landscape is one that you will not want to miss. Owned by artist, Elaine Fleck, “Rabbit Hill” contains multiple plots that her neighbors rent to grow their desired vegetation. The area is also bursting with color from Elaine’s array of flowers that she uses for weddings and special occasions.

The event is self-guided, but gardeners will be available to answer questions regarding landscaping and the plants in their gardens from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Your ticket will also serve as a map–showcasing the tour itself on the front and the property addresses on the back.

Proceeds from ticket sales will benefit The Community Outreach program, a local nonprofit organization that takes care of feeding youth from all over the city three nights a week during the school year. Additionally, they offer assistance in school subjects such as math, spelling and reading. For additional information, visit www.oldsouthwest.org.

 

Floyd Artisan Tour

The Floyd Artisan Tour, from June 14-16, is the perfect place to take your bridal party for a weekend long excursion. The three day tour features over 50 locations across Floyd County with activities at artisan home studios; galleries and shops; wineries, farms and farm markets; and restaurant and lodging sites. Some of these stops will offer specials, discounts, or complimentary items to tour visitors. Many of them will offer educational demonstrations. You will have the opportunity to learn the art behind paper-making, pottery, woodworking, coffee roasting, and much more!

Go to www.floydartisantrail.org for a complete list of participating artists and businesses. Plan out your trip with your friends beforehand, or let the staffed information table at the downtown Community Market Pavilion provide you with information throughout the tour. They will have brochures, maps, and updated daily schedules on hand.

Bridesmaid Gift Ideas

Your bridesmaids have been there through thick and thin. Every time you were stressed. Every time you needed to vent about bad service, your slow-growing hair, or (gasp!) your almost in-laws– they have let you have your say and assured you that in the end, it will all work out. Let them know how much you appreciate them by putting some thought in to their gifts. In addition to individual personalization (check out our Pinterest for ideas), consider splurging a little for your best friends. Here are some ideas for a gift they will enjoy and remember for years to come:

Put together a gift basket: 

VAN_CANDLE__02220_1391360474_451_416MSC Skin Care + Home has a variety of gifts for everyone in your wedding party. We love their soy candles. In addition to the benefits of using 100% pure soy wax, they offer many unique scent combinations like Bourbon Vanilla and Oak, Ginger and Vanilla, Agave Nectar and Green Tea and more! Their impressive skin care line includes moisturizers, exfoliating scrubs, lip creams, herbal spa soaks– everything you need to gift the gift of a DIY spa experience. They also offer products for men– just in case you end up buying gifts for the groomsmen as well!

tuberose_body_creme_copy_web_1Your girls will love Kat Burki’s Signature Body Creme. The packaging is beautiful on its own, so you will not need to waste any time wrapping it. Additionally, the quick absorbing, ultra-rich creme offers long-lasting hydration with Tamanu and Jojoba Oils while a proprietry organic herb blend works to calm and soothe skin. It is available in four signature fragrances: Tuberose, Freesia & Pink Grapefruit, White Orchid & Poppy, and Lilac & Rosemary. Go to Kat’s website for more information and to purchase a few for your friends!

Day or Weekend Trips:

Take a spur of the moment adventure together to a place that is an easy driving distance from your home. The distance gives you a little flexibility for those that cannot spend the whole weekend away. The Floyd Artisan Tour, from June 14-16, is perfect for those who desire the option for many different activities but do not want to travel out of state. The three day tour features over 50 locations across Floyd County with activities at artisan home studios, galleiries and shops, wineries, farms and farm markets, restaurants, and lodging sites. Some of these stops will offer specials, discounts, or complimentary items to tour visitors. Check out their website for more information.

Pick up our June { celebrations!! } issue of Bella Magazine for more gift ideas for your wedding party and the newlyweds!

 

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